Culture 101: Part 1

I started writing about the differences in Korean and American culture and realized that the subject can fill volumes.  This is Part 1 of the series.

When I decided to move from the United States to South Korea I thought I knew what I was doing.  I had read about Korean culture in a variety of books and websites.  I have been to a local Korean restaurant and tried several dishes to see if the food was pleasant to my palate.  I researched many blogs of Americans and Canadians who live or have lived in South Korea and worked as English teachers.  In fact, I was pretty proud of the knowledge I had acquired.  Turns out that I had no clue as to what life really would be like.

First of all, let me say that I generally enjoy living in Busan.  Working as an English teacher is not a bad job, and I earn a satisfactory amount of money for the work that I do.  Please remember this as read my comments.  My goal is not to complain about Korea or Korean culture.  Instead, I hope to delve into some of the many differences I have noticed.  My genuine belief is that being different does not make something wrong.  At the same time, it is really hard to always understand an issue from the perspective of the Koreans I know.  After all, I have not lived in Korea my entire life.  So my views are constantly influenced by my personal history.  Ok, this is probably enough introduction.  So let’s just jump right in.

1.       We are different

It sounds simple enough, but sometimes it is nice to remember this little tidbit of information.  Personally, I think the primary difference between Americans and Koreans is the concept of self.  For the most part, Americans have a strong attachment to our individuality.  We are a “me” culture.  Koreans tend to identify themselves by group rather than self.  Want examples?  Myspace.  iPhone. Youtube. Easy enough, but it goes much deeper. 

We move out of the family home usually around the time of high school graduation and go off to college.  After college, I got my first apartment and eventually bought my own house.  In Korea, people tend to live in the family home until they are married.  It is not uncommon to see a 30 year old man living with his family.  In fact, it is normal and is a large factor in group identity versus individual identity.  I cannot begin to imagine how my life might be different if I lived at home until I was 30.  As we explore the different ways that we view the world, give some consideration to this concept. 

Going forward, I will simple point out the differences.

2.       Personal Space

I define personal space in many ways.  First, it is the invisible area around my actual body that is under my totalitarian control.  If you breach the boarders of my space without an invitation, I am going to notice and usually not be happy about it.  More specifically, my concept of personal space extends from my skin to a distance where I cannot smell you.  Also, if we are having a conversation and a little bit of spit flies from your mouth as you say a word with a P or TH, the spit should not be able to land on me. 

In Korea, I have found that the concept of personal space either does not exist.  I get it.  Korea has a tiny livable land mass and a lot of people.  But I still don’t like being bumped into, shoved, or touched at random.

3.       Food

I have found that most Korean people enjoy and eat most Korean foods.  In fact, I rarely hear a Korean friend mention that they don’t like the taste of a specific local food.  I think this is because food is considered to be part of the group identity.  And no one wants to disrespect the group.  It may be me or my American-ness, but the deciding vote in what I eat usually goes to my nose and tongue.  Sometimes my stomach gets input on future meals.  Accordingly, my concept of eating does not revolve around location and culture.  If it tastes good, I will probably eat it.  (insert whatever jokes you see fit).  Now grow up.

Things I don’t eat:  Mustard (allergic –makes me vomit on site and have trouble breathing), Mayo, black olives, eggs, sweet pickles, raw onions, most sweet sauces when applied to a savory dish. 

Having a personal preference for certain tastes can be offensive to some Koreans because it could appear that you are rejecting their Group.  There are many ways to deal with this difference.  Some expats I know only eat western foods.  Others, like myself, eat the things I like and don’t eat the things I don’t like.  Sometimes I try to explain why and often I just ignore strange looks.

A side note to this:  Personally, I love the taste of kimchi.  I eat it often and sometimes crave it.  Over the last 9 months, I cannot count the number of times that I have been asked by a Korean if I like kimchi.  Yes.  I like it.  Stop asking.  At the same time, I never eat the egg laden dishes in my school cafeteria.  Remember, I don’t like eggs.  But in this case, I get the same surprised look.  “What, how can you not like eggs?” 

4.       Social Order

This topic is intense and deserves a separate essay, so I am only going to say a few words.

Korea:  Small country, many people, no personal space, live with family.  In that setting, having a rules system about who out ranks who goes a long way in keeping the peace. 

America:  Lots of land mass, many people, but spread out a bit.  We get in the habit of doing what we want to do.  Sure, we know how to follow rules, but when the rules seem to interrupt our personal goals, we examine the rules.  Sometimes we break them.  Sometimes we change them.

What happens when an American lives in Korea?  First of all, you are not really part of the Group.  So you don’t fit into the social order.  In some ways it is a free pass.  At the same time, a lot of conflict can be generated.

Notes:  I prefer to use a person’s name instead of their job title, age derived position.

I don’t pretend that you are right because you are older than me. 

Culture Shock, White Privilege, Coping

If you have done any reading about life in South Korea for expats, then you have seen numerous bits and pieces about Culture Shock. For some people, the Korean culture is so foreign that they decide to pack it up and skip town. For others, the culture is just mildly irritating. Personally I don't really mind it too much and I have started to get an idea of the reasons.
Most expats who are teaching English in South Korea are of some sort of Caucasian decent. Whether they are from the US, Canada, South Africa, or the UK, they come from a life of being part of the majority culture. I don't give a lot of thought to race relations and interactions normally, but at a recent Pecha Kucha event in Charlotte, NC, a friend of mine gave a talk about the costs and obligations of what she calls White Privilege.
Most White people never have to give a moment's thought to white privilege because being in the majority means that you have the luxury of being accustomed to certain things. For example: not being stared at, not being ignored, not being given less rights, not being treated with disrespect, not being marginalized, etc. And since this lack of specific awkward behaviors cannot be accurately measured while you are in the majority, it is only when one moves to a very homogeneous country of Others when the transcendent layer of white privilege evaporates.
The resulting state of being in the minority can present itself as a form of culture shock. Don't get me wrong - the Korean culture is very different from what I knew back in the states. But it does not make it better or worse. It is just different. I mentioned before that I am having a great time here. Part of that is because I never had any illusions of privilege back home. Sure, I went to a good university and have worked for prestigious companies, but I have always been Black. And the coping skills I have learned as a Black man in the States is exactly the skill set one needs to survive in South Korea as an American.
Speaking of surviving, I want to give this piece of advice to my wonder expat friends who happen to be White. Get over it. You are not being lynched, burned, beaten, raped, or called derogatory names (well the last one might not be true, but since we don't generally speak Korean, how would we know what you are being called?) Things have a way of working out. Just realize that you are different and often times people equate different with bad. Once you understand that perspective, allow life to develop around you. Be true to who you are and let that speak for you. Given enough time you will find a comfort zone. Or at least a way to survive.
So, I have rambled on a bit. Note to readers: I am not a big fan of editing blog posts, so if you subscribe to my blog, you are mostly going to get stream of consciousness pieces. Occasionally I might have something really important to say and I will outline my thoughts, write cohesively, and pay attention to grammar and spelling. That is not today.